Dear Dr. Eldritch,
Is there such thing as a dark ghost? I think one just grabbed me in my sleep, and I'm freaked out!

A few minutes ago, I was peacefully asleep, dreaming that Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt were fighting over me. They're choosing their dueling pistols when they're interrupted by Russell Crowe (which is weird, because I've never really been into him). Anyway, they're all arguing, and Russell Crowe starts rolling up his shirt sleeves, when something grabbed my foot and I woke up. When I opened my eyes, there's this dark, transparent figure at the end of the bed! It was like a person made of black smoke, except for red glowing eyes, which were staring right at me.

I screamed. When I turned on the light, it was gone. All the doors and windows were still closed and locked, so it couldn't have been an actual person in the house. I've never believed in ghosts, but now I'm not so sure. Did I just imagine it, or is there something I don't know about?

-- Heather from Twentynine Palms

Dear Heather,
I'd bet a box of doughnuts that there's more than just "something" that you don't know about, if ghosts were outside your paradigm before this incident. But you've asked the right person to help determine if this was a real event, or merely a bit of undigested Mongolian Beef playing havoc with your sleeping mind.

Whether incidents with these so-called Shadow People are becoming more common or are merely getting more attention recently on the Internet and in terrorist chatter, I can't say for sure. Either way, stories have been showing up lately in a variety of discussion forums. The accounts vary widely; about the only commonality is that the shapes are described as dark, smoky or shadowy. Often they're only glimpsed out of the corner of someone's eye, others flee when observed, and some seem to be encouraging the viewer to join a "Gift Club" that practically guarantees a 1000% return on investment. If the beings have eyes, they are always red and glowing.

Theories about these entities are also quite diverse. Many paranormalists believe they are merely a variety of ghost, others suggest they are cross-dimensional travelers, extra-terrestrials or demonic spirits. My favorite explanation is that they are Real Estate Agents from the Future, coming back to scout prospective clients. Never underestimate the resourcefulness and tenacity of a Real Estate Agent.

Until the exact nature of these beings can be determined, I'll give you some thoughts to consider:

First, not everything that looks threatening actually is. Sure, they're scary, but glowing red eyes are not a crime. Remember the Lebanon Debacle of 1959? Probably not, unless you're part of the vast government conspiracy that hushed it up (or if you receive their annual newsletter). Essentially, the Mozaghat, a gentle race from another dimension and known for their diplomacy skills, decided to help ease the rising nuclear tensions by negotiating peace between the United States and the Soviet Union. Due to an unfortunate error in judgment, they landed their oblate flying vehicle at the geographical center of the contiguous US, near Lebanon, Kansas (not the other Lebanon). The locals were not prepared to encounter creatures eight feet tall with crimson skin and oddly-shaped feet, but it was the horns and goatees that made the simple rural folk decide that these visitors must be Communists. The peace delegation barely escaped with their lives. They're still not talking to us.

Second, Evil is as Evil does. Many Shadow-Person encounterees claim they felt they were in the presence of a Being of Pure Evil. Pardon my skepticism, but I've also seen people say this after coming face to face with lawn ornaments, a large turtle puppet, the Chrysler Building, a talking soft-drink vending machine, Charo, dogs with odd haircuts, the Miami Dolphins, podiatrists, mannequins, mimes, a statue with a purple sombrero, and Congressman Tom DeLay. Only one of these claims was correct, so I suspect the average person could only identify a Being of Pure Evil if it wore a t-shirt that read "I Am A Being Of Pure Evil." Even then, it might just be in a rock band.

So what evil do these Shadow People do? Mostly, they run away when spotted. Admittedly, staring at people as they sleep is rude and creepy, but that's not the same as Evil. Being woken by the sensation of someone grabbing your foot is assuredly upsetting, and would be vexing if it continued. To start with, avoid spicy foods too close to bedtime. If that doesn't prevent reoccurrences, write me again, and maybe I can spend a few nights in your room to, you know, observe. However, I suspect he was just a fan, and was saving the astral-projections of Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt from getting their celebrity tushes kicked by the dream-state Russell Crowe.

Good luck, and let me know how it comes out!

-- Dr. Eldritch