Ask Dr. Eldritch

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Your First Choice in Last Resort Options!

Relationship troubles? Annoying relatives? Problems at work?
Take them to an ordinary advice columnist!
For the really tough situations, ASK DR. ELDRITCH!

Dr. Eldritch answers the questions that no other columnist will touch, with solid,
no-nonsense advice to get you through those once-in-a-lifetime crises:
  • Being menaced by the Undead?
  • Scientific experiments gone horribly wrong and may destroy the Earth?
  • A Loved One is possessed by Satan?
  • Your gorgeous lover is using you as a patsy for an elaborate swindle?
Don't fall victim to vampires! Don't get slashed by a psycho!

Don't get stuck,ASK DR. ELDRITCH!

November 15, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, You recently mentioned mind-control chips in digital audio players, and I must say you're wrong about that...

October 25, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, I wander about on Halloween, handing out dental hygiene products, but I have no memories of anything else!

October 6, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, I write to you from a farmhouse attic, hiding from the walking dead...

September 20, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, Everyone says my destiny is to be the focal point of a great magical struggle, but I don't wish to do it any more!

May 17, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, I accidentally sold myself into slavery! Please help me get out of this contract!

May 10, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, My friend, Halle, has a book of spells that she inherited from her aunt, and like she told some of us about it...

April 26, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, A sailor told me right before he died that you might be able to help me get a new job. Mine is so boring!

April 19, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, I hope this reaches you, as I'm writing from another dimension...

April 12, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, I accidentally got involved in a secret society, and we're about to do something horrible...

April 7, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, I'm in the sixth grade, and I haven't had a magical adventure yet! What's wrong with me?

March 29, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, I'm writing not to ask for advice, but to offer my services. I communicate with dead people!

March 22, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, I've been frightening sleeping children for centuries, but it's no fun anymore.

March 8, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, My coworkers want to sacrifice me to a volcano because I'm a virgin! What can I do?

March 1, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, Dangnabbit! What is wrong with superheroes these days?

February 8, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, I've just started dating again, after a painful breakup over a year ago...

February 1, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, I am Ranthacor, Prince-Consort of Empress Azamratha of Mezzrachrite and Uniter of the Five Golden Cities...

January 25, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, I'm writing from the SMC, the Secret Mars Colony, and I think something strange is going on...

January 11, 2011

Dr. Eldritch, Are aliens are usin' our fields to send messages to each other for an invasion?

December 21, 2010

Dr. Eldritch, Santa's disappeared! Christmas is in danger! Please help us!

November 16, 2010

Dr. Eldritch, I'm a police detective. Well, I was before I reincarnated, now I'm a baby. It's terrible!

November 16, 2010

Dr. Eldritch, I'm on the fast track to becoming the world's most feared supervillain, but I'm having problems with my girlfriend.

October 12, 2010

Dr. Eldritch, Help! We're lost in the woods and something's trying to get us!

October 5, 2010

Dr. Eldritch, I suspect my boyfriend has a secret life I don't know about, should I be worried?

September 28, 2010

Dr. Eldritch, I be Xygothor, Chief Advisor to Phingasht, Supreme Ruler of Lapaeria, and soon to be emperor of your planet!

September 21, 2010

Dr. Eldritch, My husband brought me back to life as a zombie, and now he's keeping me prisoner in our house!

September 7, 2010

Dr. Eldritch, It is imperative that you assist us in selecting the proper prince for my daughter!

July 27, 2010

Dr. Eldritch, Do you have any experience with controlling spectral intelligence agents? If we don't reacquire our assets, the terrorists may win.

Ask Dr. Eldritch Are Aliens Eating My Crackers Sorry, letters prior to this date are no longer on the Web! Many of the letters you missed about dealing with mysterious doubles, undead, alternate dimensions and much more, have been published in "Ask Dr. Elditch Volume #1 Are Aliens Eating My Crackers?"
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Evan Nichols
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MILWAUKIE, OR 97269-2269

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Last Revised: November 19, 2011 © 2003-2011 Evan Nichols