Dear Dr. Eldritch,
    My monster, my creation, the very entity that I personally built from exhumed corpses, the one I alone BROUGHT TO LIFE, dares to DEFY ME! Where did I go wrong?

The ordinary, small-minded masses may think it's easy being a Sanity-Challenged Genius, but it's no bed of Rosoideae. Do you have any idea how HARD it is to get modern laboratory equipment delivered to a remote castle? Shipping charges are ENORMOUS, and one must convince a local slack-jawed peasant to cart the freight from the nearest modern transportation depot across the mountains. One day I will work the bugs out of my Matter Transporter Device and then they'll all be sorry. Very sorry, indeed!

But I digress. My current woe is about my ungrateful creation. Where was I? Oh, yes...

It was great when it all began! He adored me, and obeyed with slavish devotion. Then he became surly and recalcitrant. Even the simplest requests are now met with annoyance, as if my Gift of Life means nothing, and the tiniest task is a weighty burden upon him. Had I known it would be like this, I would not have given him the musculature to roll his eyes!

Most aggravating is how he constantly struggles to undermine my authority. For example, I provide him with highly serviceable garments, but he no longer finds them acceptable. He cuts the trousers off at the knees, and wears them with a plain, short-sleeved singlet, and SANDALS! And a plebian cap with the brim turned to the BACK! Ah, the SHAME!

He has been conscientious about retrieving the mail lately, which I took as a sign that he wanted to return to my good graces. Then today, I was the one to go to the door to accept the post, and I discovered his true motivation. He has subscribed to a magazine about grooming domestic felines for competitive pageants! I was shocked! Appalled! I confronted him about it, resulting in a dreadful row which concluded when he stormed off to his chambers, shouting "Aaahhaaaaoooyoooo!" (his speech is not good, but I believe he was saying "I hate you!"). It was like a dagger in my heart.

I considered implanting a Mind-Control Chip, but I'm sure I don't have to tell you about the hazards of surgical procedures on reanimated tissue! I then contemplated aggressive behavior-modification techniques using non-invasive Transductive Neural Inhibitors to recondition him to a positive response modality. But one of the discussion threads in my favorite Mad Scientist Forum claims that TNI's would overload my monster's compromised neural system. I've tried to find another option, one that will not destroy him in the process of controlling him. So I am forced to turn to you. You can imagine how important this is to me; so much so that I am willing to swallow my pride and ask for assistance! He will pay for driving me to this, though, mark my words! He will RUE the day he chose to defy me! RUUUUUE! Bwahahahahha! Hahahaha! Ha!

-- Dr. Emilio L., in the Old Country

Dear Dr. L.,
    Don't you just hate it when you give someone the ability to think for himself, and then he DOES? Shocking.

I don't care whether you created your monster because your family expected you to do so, or as a personal ego boost, or merely to live out your unresolved childhood issues. Whatever your motivation, you're the Mad Scientist in the family, so you need to act like one. (On second thought, don't. This situation isn't best resolved through Reckless Experimentation.)

I would agree with you on one point: Changes must be made. However, I'd suggest that you are the one who must adapt, and come to terms with the evolving nature of your relationship. For example, contrary to popular belief, giving someone life is not the same as owning them. It's quite reasonable to expect your creation to do chores and take part in family activities, even if he does some eye-rolling about it. However, he's going to have his own interests and friends, even if you don't approve of them. In fact, your disapproval is actually a bonus for him, as it helps him differentiate his own identity as separate from you. So if you want to divert him from show cats, your best bet is to forbid him to do something that you'd find acceptable; collecting shrunken heads, for example. He'll have a display-case full in no time!

I highly recommend avoiding the melodramatic statement, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it!" The last thing you want is for your monster to see you as a threat to his continued existence, as even a reanimated brain will logically conclude that he'd be safer if you were dead. It's traditional for a creator to meet a brutal end at the hands of his creation, so why increase the chances of that? I know; you don't think it will happen to you. Right.

With any luck, your monster will merely cause you to age rapidly, but he'll eventually come around to realizing that you're not so bad after all. That's the best you can hope for when you bring a new life into this world.

Good luck, and let me know how it comes out!

-- Dr. Eldritch