Dear Dr. Eldritch,
    I know you usually don't give relationship advice, but please hear me out! Perhaps you'll make an exception. The first six months of our marriage were great, but my husband and I just aren't feeling passionate any more. We've lost the sizzle, and I want it back!

Everything started when I was visiting some friends from my days of destabilizing an Eastern European country (I'm an ex-intelligence agent). Things got a little complicated when I stumbled into a plot to trade chemically-pure synthetic diamonds for stolen high-efficiency desalinization technology. Well, some hostile agents from a rogue nation recognized me and assumed I was there to bust it up. I was saved by a tall, sexy special-ops officer from a friendly country, who was investigating the technology ring. We didn't get along so well at first; he also assumed that I knew more than I was admitting, and suspected I might be an accomplice. He told me to stay away from it, but I knew I wouldn't be safe until the rogue agents were neutralized. Forced to work together, we bickered frequently, until we narrowly averted tragedy by defusing a bomb hidden at the St. Loquacious Convent's Orphans and Kittens Benefit Sale. In those seconds where we faced almost certain death, we both admitted a passionate attraction to each other, and after the detonator was deactivated we promptly consummated our new-found love (unfortunately in full view of several nuns, orphans and kittens).

Soon after, we cracked the crime ring, eliminated the rogue agents, returned to the United States and were married. It seemed a good time to get out of the business, so I've been working in a bookstore and he paints houses. We were good for a few months, then we started fighting more than loving. We've spent too many nights mad at each other lately, what can we do to rekindle that flame that burned so brightly?

-- Codename: Trefoil; Location Classified

Dear Trefoil,
    You're right, I usually chuck letters with the word "relationship" in them directly into the Basket Of No Return, but yours caught my interest. Have you tried therapy? Not that I recommend it. I mean, you can go to couples counseling, explore your feelings, communicate honestly with each other, and make a special effort to support your partner's needs, but that's a lot of hard work. It's not much fun. And it may not even be successful! So I say, don't bother.

Instead, it's much easier to just have another adventure! What got you sparking the first time was the danger and intrigue, so to reignite the rocket engines, just do what you did before. Well, you can't repeat exactly the diamonds-and-desalinization scenario, that would be boring and predictable (which probably describes your marriage right now). You need to find another crime to solve, plot to thwart, or group of hostages to rescue. Have any friends "in the business" who have suddenly disappeared? Search for them! Any family members living in a global hot spot? Time for a visit! Get the idea? Get out there and look for mysterious packages left in lockers at bus stations, terrorist cells planning attacks or evil masterminds scheming to commit the crime of a lifetime. Yes, there's inherent risk, but that's what makes the fireworks happen!

And when you're back from that, get a real job! I mean, after a life of espionage, you're working in a bookstore? That's a life of soul-killing tedium if there ever was one! If you're not going to contract out for black-bag wet work, at least do some security consulting or private investigation. Then you'll have a chance of keeping the home fires burning, if you know what I mean.

Good luck, and let me know how it comes out!

-- Dr. Eldritch